Tag Archives: dreams

The last fifteen minutes

Posted by adrian's mom in being a mom and tagged with , ,

 

I think Adrian has about 15 minutes left in today’s nap… so I have to make this a quick entry.

The last couple of weeks have been a challenge, difficult, hard, or bluntly said, shitty.  I have been wandering through the waters of health issues, and when this comes up I automatically go to the place of, all of this is FINE!  I am FINE, everything is GREAT.  It’s almost like I ignore it.  Now, health issues are no new experience for me, I have reoccurring, hormonal abnormalities which make me crazy.  I have been on treatment for years, almost like the gluten-free diet… (another experience) Anyway, here I am twenty-seven months post baby trying to begin my life again, as a business woman and I’m crumbling.   Yesterday I went to my doctor to review my most recent round on blood work, to find her eyes just as baffled as mine…NOT GOOD.  Now, I’m not saying that I’m dying, I’m only saying that it’s not better.   I leave the office with little hope– and remember I am a HOPE junkie!  I cried on my way home.  I think I forgot what it was like to cry, I was surprised by my tears.  I got home to my son, sleeping and realized that all is good… and then today happened.

I woke up depressed, again.

In the midst of this I am still trying to launch a business, create technology for others… while my development team seems to be slowing down… and I’m beginning to feel stuck.  I don’t like feeling stuck.  Do you?

I hear him wrestling around, oh no.  Do I have to end this now?

I guess today, I have to take it slowly, and really remember to ask for what I need, listen to those around me, share with those who ask… and lastly give myself a break.  There is a bigger plan, and I have to remember that being a “mompreneur” is really secondary to my life as a MOM!

He’s awake, gotta run.

 

 

Full stream ahead

Posted by adrian's mom in Dream Project and tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

Even though we are going to be a couple of weeks behind, I am, we are moving full stream ahead which is so nice!  We are deploying to our platform (fancy term for moving the code to location that the world will see it)…  yeah!  But there is something else I discovered…  watch!

the importance of time

Posted by adrian's mom in Uncategorized and tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

I was recently thinking about time, the time that I have had without picking up a drink, or a chocolate doughnut; both of which have been many long years.  Then I started thinking about time in regards to my son, and how quickly it passes.  Which then brought me to the simplicity of time, and the only way it passes…  minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day.

Some people I come across have no regard for time, and I believe I use to be in this group, that is until I became a mother.  Now, time is precious, and even more valuable then the present moment, if that makes any sense.  I believe that I need all the time, and experiences that I have had, up to this point to deal with and know how to handle the trials, smiles, qualms, and spats of parenting, motherhood, being a wife and a entrepreneurial business woman.

I talk to a lot of people who shrug their shoulders and say, “Yes, I know, I know…”  I think (I could be totally off on this point, but I don’t think so…) what is happening is that they are interpreting the subject that I am speaking of how they want to see/hear it, then slightly change the subject, and say, “Yes uhuh, I totally get it.”  Now this is where time comes into play, and experience.  Unless you are a mom, married, parenting a toddler right now, and creating a business, then NO, you, do not say, yes you get it.  YOU don’t get it.

One thing I really appreciate is sitting with other women who have walked before me, the ones who are rich with life experience.  Years of time.  I admire, and look up to these ladies, they have families, husbands, companies… They are the ones with time who understand.  They have the time to listen with intent, to offer ideas, suggestions, and opinions in which I can honestly listen too.

As I grow in time, and years I find it more of a challenge to find these women.  But the women who I do have on my hit list of names to call, I value, they are my lifesavers!  I adore them, and to them I owe this post, the unsung heroes of motherhood and life!  Thank  you.

So it’s my birthday

Posted by adrian's mom in i forgot about me and tagged with , , ,

I haven’t always been a fan of birthdays, at one point I hadn’t celebrated my belly button birthday with people over a three year period. The day would come and go, and I would do nothing special, just another day! Then something happened. I wish I could explain it, or give it away to those who don’t like their birthday, because now I LOVE My birthday. I’m not thrilled with the lines that are appearing on my face or the extra weight that I can’t seem to shed after the birth of my son… NO, no, no. What I am thrilled about is experience, the true life experiences that I have managed to survive, indulge in, or sit through with my faithful friend, Hagen Daz! Crazy. I reminiscence of this year, and what I offered it, and what was given to me:

  • I showed up and sat in on practically every nap my son took, rocking him to sleep = he is now so calm and confident with himself I love it!
  • I responded to emails from people, I never though that I would speak to again = budding relationships that are meaningful.
  • I waked away from a friendship that wasn’t working = found awesome, amazing friend that I can’t imagine not knowing!
  • I said I was sorry = acceptance and camaraderie from fellow friend.
  • I prepared almost every meal for my son from organic food = healthy striving son who enjoys all types of food.
  • I snuggled up to my husband even in my moments of self delusion = the most wonderful and loving husband.

Just a snapshot.  I am one of the lucky ones, and I hope to never take advantage of this or forget how this all happened…

until next time.

A Mother's List

Posted by adrian's mom in i forgot about me, Uncategorized and tagged with , , , , ,

I am not sure what I want to write about, as there is much that floats between my ears, and thoughts today!

Being a mom has left me with little time, which I cannot stand to complain about but it is the one thing that I can never find.  I never have enough time.  AND time is something, or nothing that you or me or anyone can get back… or create more of… If I could create more time I would be a millionaire, as every mom would want the inside secret, the scoop, the equation, the potion, and I’m quite sure that they would pay whatever dollar amount was on the label.  Hmmm, maybe I should begin this creation.

Organizing my time is the first step that I take in trying to manipulate time… the second step is accepting that I will not be able to DO everything that I try to put on some list… I can only slowly work  towards the completion of each and every task or feat, or discovery in which I am attempting!  WOW, heavy.

List?  Do they really work?  They work for me.  Honestly if I begin to write down task, events, ideas or projects that I want to work on or complete, at some point in my life, they will get done!  Weird but TRUE!  My lists have varied over the years, and most recently have become almost ridiculous… as with the first item on the list recently was, brush teeth!  I am  not quite sure why the list thing works for me, or why I’m inspired to do this… I just DO it.

I have a lot of dreams, a lot of ideas, projects albeit maybe some are lofty and way out of my range, but for the most part even the lofty ideas that yesterday held have been accomplished.

  • I wanted to write a book.  I did it.  I wrote, troubles of being a girl.
  • I had a dream to live abroad.  I did.  I lived in South East Asia for 7 months.
  • I wanted to take a year off and do nothing.  I did it.  I moved to Colorado and played.
  • I had an idea to create everyday models out of kids who wanted to BE superstars!  I did it.  I created More Than A Model.

real model:going to Japan

  • I wanted to model for Levi’s.  I did it.
  • I wanted to quit eating donuts.  I did it.  Stopped.  No more.
  • I love cheese I wanted to learn more, I took classes!  Lots of them, I know about cheese… ask me!

Tasty tasty tasty...

  • I wanted to quit modeling.  I did.  I told my agent to take me off the books… 20 years into it!
  • I love the ocean.  I love the idea of being with fish… I attempted to learn to scuba dive, and then found out that I am terrified of being under the water with a weighted belt…
  • I wanted to see each state of this country.  I did it.  I got in the car and drove!
  • It sounded so appealing to live in Spain for a month with my son.  We did it!


I could keep listing items, as I love the idea of being in this world, exploring possibilities; as for the scuba diving adventure-I’m not sure if I will come back to that idea/dream.  (I would have to get over my fear of well-being without oxygen!)

Back to time.  Yes, it’s dinner time here in the house, and the boy is hungry.  I rush to the next thing, dinner.  Off this list for the day!

Until next time.