The last fifteen minutes

Posted by adrian's mom in being a mom and tagged with , ,

 

I think Adrian has about 15 minutes left in today’s nap… so I have to make this a quick entry.

The last couple of weeks have been a challenge, difficult, hard, or bluntly said, shitty.  I have been wandering through the waters of health issues, and when this comes up I automatically go to the place of, all of this is FINE!  I am FINE, everything is GREAT.  It’s almost like I ignore it.  Now, health issues are no new experience for me, I have reoccurring, hormonal abnormalities which make me crazy.  I have been on treatment for years, almost like the gluten-free diet… (another experience) Anyway, here I am twenty-seven months post baby trying to begin my life again, as a business woman and I’m crumbling.   Yesterday I went to my doctor to review my most recent round on blood work, to find her eyes just as baffled as mine…NOT GOOD.  Now, I’m not saying that I’m dying, I’m only saying that it’s not better.   I leave the office with little hope– and remember I am a HOPE junkie!  I cried on my way home.  I think I forgot what it was like to cry, I was surprised by my tears.  I got home to my son, sleeping and realized that all is good… and then today happened.

I woke up depressed, again.

In the midst of this I am still trying to launch a business, create technology for others… while my development team seems to be slowing down… and I’m beginning to feel stuck.  I don’t like feeling stuck.  Do you?

I hear him wrestling around, oh no.  Do I have to end this now?

I guess today, I have to take it slowly, and really remember to ask for what I need, listen to those around me, share with those who ask… and lastly give myself a break.  There is a bigger plan, and I have to remember that being a “mompreneur” is really secondary to my life as a MOM!

He’s awake, gotta run.

 

 

Fridays come and go

Posted by adrian's mom in being a mom, Dream Project, parenting, toddler living and tagged with , , , , , , ,

Another friday, already.

I have been swamped with my pivitol tracker messages… so much work and so little time.  But this is great news, which means I am closer to launching, the soft launch.  Lets be honest, the test launch.

On another note, I have noticed that my son, has suddenly stepped into being TWO.  Now I have begun to understand why they shake their heads and say something like, “Oh yeah, the terrible twos”  Last night after I had just finished cutting all the broccoli and chard for my son we went BOOM.  He ran up behind me and bites my, bum… hand on pot stirring veggies, food went flying, we fell to the floor and suddenly I couldn’t figure out how we got there.   Scared that something had burned him, and shocked that I didn’t start screaming from the bite… we sat with pieces of broccoli and swiss chard scattered on our kitchen floor, gas flame still dancing. This became our first official TIME OUT, I sat him down quietly and said now you don’t bit mommy, you need to sit and be quiet by yourself!  Low and behold… he sat.  I think it helped that I had the music on, as he started to snap his fingers and pretend to play the drums, I reminded him to be quiet and still and he did…
WOW.

I guess there are first for everything.  We are at 2, what am I to do?  Teach, love and remember that he is only two, yes only 2…
Until next time.

Just a little rant about motherhood!

Posted by adrian's mom in being a mom, parenting and tagged with , ,

A job is what you call it, whatever that may be, it could be doing laundry for a large hotel chain, a street sweeper, a coffee jerk, aka coffee barista, someone who rolls dice on wall street, or what about singing, painting, bus driving, stock car racing, administrative assistant anyone?  Candy girl, chef de cuisine, student, caretaker, taco maker, pizza maker, CEO, grocery bag clerk, bank teller, garbage truck driver, and then there the dental hygentist, a teacher, number crunchers (accountant), a pediatric nurse.  I could go on and on with the creation of jobs and ideas and the needs we have to live in a civilized society, but I won’t, that is not what this post is about… It is about the most important job in the world… The job of being A MOTHER.  The job as a mother is, as I see it completely overlooked and  under compensated, almost like that of teacher.  Granted you are filled with love and emotions everyday, but that is not the cold green cash that pays the bills or the achievement award to hang on the wall, or a promotion.  You don’t get promoted, you do not get a raise, you start with diapers, and get more poop, and then tears and laughter and “NO mommy”…  There is no end to this job.  I have been thinking about how society is falling apart, and why… and I think of my contribution, my part, my job, and I am faced to ask myself if I am doing enough, am I doing it right?  It’s not like there are PhD programs or classes to get my masters in for rearing a child.  Will my son be a part of a solution, am I instilling morals and sincerity, kindness, and the perseverance that will be needed to survive the certain trials and lows spots that will inevitably show up in the years ahead?

The job of Motherhood, is not talked about enough, when I found out that I was pregnant no one warned me or sat down with me to talk to me about what was to come.  I don’t say this in a negative way or a woe is me way… I reference this only to say that its such a shame that we do not celebrate motherhood more!  This job is what creates our society.  We moms are the caretakers of the future, are we missing something here?

I can go on and on about this but for today it’s off my chest… and I will get back to work!  Keep Dreaming.

xo

 

 

 

I think I left the planet

Posted by adrian's mom in being a mom, being a wife, Dream Project, everyday family life and tagged with , , ,

Holiday, came and gone, and so was I.  I woke up today, sore, sore neck, sore back and a sore throat, great just what I need on my first day back from holiday.

Let’s talk about holidays for a moment, Yes I will.  I am of the variety who loves to travel and relax, but I really do love making  my own tea, having my own toast, and being able to relax in multiple rooms if necessary.  We rent small houses or cottages when on holiday, and now with our son, we rent at least a two bedroom!  This holiday we went to Santa Barbara, and Los Angeles, I was thrilled to go away, I was looking forward to it.  I shared this with another mom, and she quietly under her breath said, oh sure that will be fun, that is no holiday at all… NOW I know the quiet slur turned out to be absolutely true.  When a mom goes on holiday with her family, she is not on holiday, her, my life continues to be a Full time mom, I still have to make breakfast, change diapers, bathe, play trains, blow bubbles and cuddle to bed for nap.  There are no breaks.

I now realize why my friend, Tracy once talked about the all-inclusive, which at the time I was horridfied to thing of or even consider… pre-made breakfast, crispy sheets, the smell of hotel curtains… no Blue Bottle Coffee…  Well, now after this ten day excursion I am shouting from the roof, YES ALL INCLUSIVE!  On our next trip I don’t want to do dishes, I don’t want to do laundry, I don’t even want to make a bed…  NOW that will be a holiday!  Wow, life has changed, indeed Lane.

Dreaming of the next holiday… June!

I love pirates, therefore I love Johnny Depp

Posted by adrian's mom in Dream Project and tagged with , , , ,

And this is no secret, even my husband knows this… As my dream project gets pushed further and further behind, I begin to look in old drawers, dig into old books, and let my mind wander to a safe and sane place.  Currently the idea of trying to put together a logo is wreaking havoc on my mind… hence I turn to JD.  Watch.