What is emotional wellness or emotional sobriety? How do you deal with people who get under your skin or cut you off in traffic? It’s hard to say right? Depends don’t the day, the moment. As we approach a new year, many of us face resolutions and what is next… Having or creating a stable wellness ritual and maintaining emotional recovery is going to blast off your new year!

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why is emotional wellness important?

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (Transcription is not perfect.)

Welcome back, friend, how are you today? I hope you’re doing well. Whatever you are doing right now. Thank you for joining me. This is the connected calm life. My name is Lane Kennedy. I’m your calm coach. I’m here to support you in making sure that you don’t drink again. If you don’t want to relapse you know, is a big part of some of my clients and.

You know, there’s a lot of shame around relapse and I’m here to just share that if you’re in. Category. There’s no shame in your life. I want you to just, I invite you to let go of that. And if you’re struggling with it, reach out to me, that is one of my little areas of expertise and helping and supporting people walkthrough.

But that’s not what this is about. This is about you being here with me and I’m supporting you because I’m your calm coach. This is the connected, calm life. Today’s episode is going to be about emotional wellness. And what does that look like? This is taking a lot of energy. This topic is really. And I’m going to try to make it easy if you are not in recovery, please listen, because this is, this is about how we show up in relationships.

It’s how we respond to people. We don’t really agree with it. It’s how we interact with people in traffic. Our emotional wellness is threaded through our lives. It’s something that we. You know, it’s not in the forefront of our brain and we’re thinking about, we don’t make a list about it and check it off. So today’s episode, I hope to be able to share some tips on how to move through the next 40 or so days 2022 is around.

The corner. Are you ready for it? And do you have goals for that? Are you looking at your life thinking what the bleep is next? There are so many people right now, the current day that have walked out of their jobs are looking for like new opportunities. Try. Figure it out. And so today’s episode is I’m hoping to give some tools and talk you through maybe some resources and always know that my job is to support you to get to the next level in your life. If you’re stuck and you’re thinking, what the bleep am I going to do? Please make sure to check out my coaching. I have a group coaching program coming up in January. You’re welcome to look at that. Early bird pricing is going on.

I think next week I have it on the website. I can’t remember the dates on there, but I wouldn’t want you to miss that either way. It’s going to be a great opportunity to work with me and to get the coaching, to support you, to get to the next level in your life, and to figure out what’s next. So many.

So good. So let’s get into emotional wellness. If you are in sobriety, I’m going to talk about my sobriety a little bit today. My recovery I had no idea. That emotional sobriety, emotional wellness was important for so long, for so many hours for so many days. For so many months and years, I really just chased my life.

I was always after something I’m super enthusiastic about. I’m very curious by my nature. And I like to chase. Right. When I was drinking and using, I was chasing men and women and different bars and different places to go. And then in my career, I chased accounts and clients and different jobs, and it’s always, you know, then it was countries.

And where am I going to go next? It’s been constant. It’s been constant. It’s exhausting as what? I’ve, what I’m here to tell you. And so in the last, I would say five years of my recovery, I’m starting to get a new understanding of this or bring in this awareness of what emotional wellness is, what emotional sobriety.

So when I had my son, I’m gonna share a story about my son, my kiddo. I thought having my son was going to change me, make me a calmer person. Right. Because I was always chasing something. So I was like on the go and I thought, oh, this is going to be perfect. He’s going to calm me down. He’s going to like, play, like, he’s going to plant me.

And as soon as he like came screaming out into the world, you know, my head was like, I gotta get outta here. I gotta go. I gotta figure out I gotta, I need an exit plan right now. And I kind of chase that exit plan for a long time. I mean, he’s 12 years old now, but I’ve been in my head chasing this idea of, I got it.

And about five out go back five years ago. And I have an article on my site, you know, how yoga nidra saved my marriage. You know, I had this profound awakening around this idea that chasing and I wrote this book also around this idea that everything that I’m chasing is something that I’m either really afraid of.

Or I think that it’s going to make me a better person. It’s going to make me more money. It’s going to fill me up and exhilarate me is going to XYZ me. So when I was falling apart in my marriage, I thought it was breaking up and I had this aha moment. And started my practice and became a teacher. And, you know, everything changed.

This is when my emotional sobriety or emotional wellness kicked into place. And I stopped chasing things. Like I literally, I was making plans to go travel to the other side of the world. I did my first practice. The next day I canceled the. Because I was no longer interested in chasing because I knew that that thing was not going to fulfill me or satisfy this incessant need that I had.

So I don’t know if you can relate to that. But when I think about what emotional sobriety is, I have to think about is this bringing me closer to this God that I always talk about? That is deeply this ocean of yum. I also call it this place inside this place beyond me. That fills me with warmth and gratitude and grace, am I making decisions based on getting closer to that?

Or am I making decisions to go? Now that may be really simple to say, right? It’s really simple to say, it’s either towards the good or towards a drink. How do you put that into practical terms lane? I get this all the time. How do I do this in practical terms? So I thought today I would give some ideas. I thought that I would share some stories.

And one of the stories is around overworking. I have a client not knowing exactly what you know, very frustrated with her job, very frustrated with where she’s going and what she’s doing. And we had to have the session, what it would look like if she were to leave her job. And so one of the things that I share in my coaching is this.

What if again, you’re thinking, what does this have to do with me? This has everything to do with you and your emotional wellness and how you’re going to get through, you know, Thanksgiving dinner, or getting on an airplane and traveling. And so we started to play, what if, and it was, what if she took a two-week vacation?

And she was like, wow, that’s not really enough. I would just start to relax. And then I said, well, what if they are, what if you asked to be transferred to a different department? She’s like, I can’t stay on the management team. Right. So we did this series of what-if inquiry and the last question that we got to was, what if you gave your notice and it was as if the 5,000 pounds of.

Rubbish fell from her shoulders. And she was like, yes, that feels amazing. Okay. So that feels good, but where’s the money gonna come from? Right. So we got to get back to practice and this is where emotional wellness comes into play. It’s like we can fantasize. And it’s really great to get some clarity, but we have to have the emotional stability to be able to make decisions and course correct in the moment and then to actually step forward in your life.

So you’re not feeling pulled down, dragged down. Oh my God. The world is too heavy on me. So we set up a plan. And it was a 90-day plan and she was full pedal to the metal. We had a game plan and now, you know, she’s gotten herself a new job. She’s not the thing is, is that she wanted to make more money, but we did the, what if game around that?

What if you don’t make more money? She was like, ah, I said, well, what if you made the same amount, but you didn’t feel as stressed. And you could see your kids every day and you didn’t have to prepare meals. Like we really got into the details of her life and what that would look like. So I want you to use this tool.

The what-if tool through the next, I dunno, 30 days, 40 days as we close out this year to see where you’re at. And look and find where you can implement the what-if strategy because I want you to really slide into this new year with emotional wellness. Now, if you can’t discern which choice this is where we get into, oh, if you can’t discern, which choice is going to be good or bad.

For your recovery for your present moment, then you’re not emotionally sober. You’re not emotionally in recovery. Okay. I’m going to, I’m going to, this is like loaded right here. Say you have You’re dating somebody and you’re like, ah, I don’t really know. He’s not really the person for me anymore.

She’s not really a person for me anymore. You’re in that place of not knowing. And we get all wrapped up in the emotions of it, the feelings, and we can’t make decisions really clearly. So if you can’t decide. Which choice is going to be good for your sobriety or bad for your sobriety, then you’re not emotionally sober if you can’t, if you can’t figure it out and move forward either by saying, heck yeah, I’m staying in this relationship, even though it’s piles of poop having that right.

Or saying no. And walking away like you have to do either, or right in this particular example I’m sharing. But if you cannot discern which choice is going to be better or worse for your sobriety. Your life. If you’re not in recovery, then you’re not emotionally. Well, you’re not emotionally sober. And this gets really, really challenging when we are wrapped up and stressed out.

Right. Our stress responses on the feedback that neuro. Everything is like in loops. You’re like, I go to this job every day. This is how I pay my family. I have to do it right. This you’re on that treadmill. Aye. Aye, aye. And it’s confusing. It can be really confusing. And our emotional wellness suffers and when our emotional wellness suffers everything else.

So our bodies start to break down. So I have this client that I’ve been working with and he’s a great guy but he’s got some stress-related health issues and every time he comes, he’s like, I can’t make this decision. And I said, okay, like just pause on the decision. And he’s like, I already made the decision Lane, sorry.

I’m like, oh my God. He goes, and my doctor noticed, all the symptoms came back because he was so stressed out, but he made the decision anyway but it wasn’t the right decision because he was so emotionally wrapped up and trapped by his old thinking. Am I making sense to you? So if you’re going around in these loops, these I want to call them illness loops, right?

We do the same thing over and over and over again. And we think, oh, I’m just going to do it again tomorrow. And I’m just going to stay in this relationship with my boss and it’s going to be okay. Even though he treats me like poop, that is effective. Each of your hormones, your sleep, your weight, your relationships, every single thing inside you is being affected by this little loop that you’re living through.

So when we are emotional, well, we’re able to discern and then take action. And change the relationship. And now we’re either going to change our relationship by accepting or making a bigger change and, and walking away. Or we. Walk away. Like there’s only like we either accept or we walk away in any kind of situation.

These are the only time. These are the only two answers that I’ve ever come up with in thousands of examples that I’ve worked with clients on it’s either you accept the situation that you’re in and you have to do work on that. And there’s usually forgiveness in there, or you walk away and you start working on something.

So our emotional wellness is this tool to move forward in our life. And I always talk about we want to live in the ocean of yummy. We want to live in that consciousness. We want to feel light. We want to feel on purpose. And if you’re in a relationship job just even with yourself, Right?

You just can’t get motivated. Then it’s time to look at your emotional wellness and your emotional sobriety.

why is emotional wellness important?

So how is it that you’re going to take charge today? What are you going to do to use the muscles of your sobriety? Well, you can meditate. You can journal, and you can hire a coach. You can do what’s called affirmation work.

You can call your girlfriend, but you can. There are a lot of things that you can do at the moment to get some relief. But the quickest way to get through it is by staying on the bus and getting help. So that’s, you know, a therapist. A coach like myself and I’m not pushing my service right now. I’m just saying like, this is, these are ways to get your emotional wellness to ramp up and to get through some emotions and some choices that you may have in your life, whatever they may be.

I mean, we have so many decisions to make on a day-to-day basis. So I want you to think about what are you going to do. Right. We have 40 days. Are you living your best life? And if you are, I want to swear right now F-bomb. Awesome. And if you’re not, I want you to make some better choices and better is not the right word.

I want you to think about the choices that you’re making. Emotionally and how you can bring yourself to the ocean of yummy to that. God, whatever you want to call it, and move forward in your life. Oh my God. I’ve gone way over today. Got super excited about this topic. Emotional wellness, your emotional sobriety is everything.

It is the foundation to long-term recovery. It is foundational to healthy relationships. It is foundational to living your best life. My friend, I’ve enjoyed hanging out with you. Make sure to check out my group coaching program over at lanekennedy.com forward slash coaching. Get the early bird pricing. Have an amazing.

Amazing moment. And I will catch up with you again on Wednesday. Okay. May you find something bright, something light. It’s something so juicy. It fills you up so you can be the best you can be. I’ll tell you.

Bye for now. And that’s a wrap. Thanks for listening. Make sure to check out the coaching over at lanekennedy.com forward slash coaching early bird pricing is in a fact, I would love to kick off the year with you and live your best life.

If you’re looking for DNA coaching or health coaching, you can find that information over at lanekennedy.com forward slash coaching as well. You can see that the DNA coaching is on special right now. So lots of good things happening. Thank you again for listening. Remember to rate, review and share this podcast with a friend.

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