The last fifteen minutes

I think Adrian has about 15 minutes left in today’s nap… so I have to make this a quick entry.

The last couple of weeks have been a challenge, difficult, hard, or bluntly said, shitty.  I have been wandering through the waters of health issues, and when this comes up I automatically go to the place of, all of this is FINEI am FINE, everything is GREAT.  It’s almost like I ignore it.  Now, health issues are no new experience for me, I have reoccurring, hormonal abnormalities which make me crazy.  I have been on treatment for years, almost like the gluten-free diet… (another experience) Anyway, here I am twenty-seven months post baby trying to begin my life again, as a business woman and I’m crumbling.   Yesterday I went to my doctor to review my most recent round on blood work, to find her eyes just as baffled as mine…NOT GOOD.  Now, I’m not saying that I’m dying, I’m only saying that it’s not better.   I leave the office with little hope– and remember I am a HOPE junkie!  I cried on my way home.  I think I forgot what it was like to cry, I was surprised by my tears.  I got home to my son, sleeping and realized that all is good… and then today happened.

I woke up depressed, again.

In the midst of this I am still trying to launch a business, create technology for others… while my development team seems to be slowing down… and I’m beginning to feel stuck.  I don’t like feeling stuck.  Do you?

I hear him wrestling around, oh no.  Do I have to end this now?

I guess today, I have to take it slowly, and really remember to ask for what I need, listen to those around me, share with those who ask… and lastly give myself a break.  There is a bigger plan, and I have to remember that being a “mompreneur” is really secondary to my life as a MOM!

He’s awake, gotta run.