Alcohol and Divorce

Alcohol and Divorce

How not to drink after divorce? Ask Anne Marie. She shares so many insights about it in this episode. Listen in.

Listen to Anne’s Episode

Alcohol and Divorce


Lane Kennedy: Hi, mama, just dropping in to let you know that I have something new and exciting. It’s a membership full of meditations. To get your calm on, to bring on your sanity, you can find out more over at forward slash membership. All right, let’s get into the show today. We are hanging out again. Alcohol and Divorce

I want to say thank you for putting me and my friend, Anna Marie, into your earbuds. I know you have many, many, many podcasts to listen to and you’re back with me. Hi, welcome. This is recovery like a mother. And today we’re talking to Anna Marie. She is a mother of twins, but on bump bump, one boy, one girl, an entrepreneur, a single mama sober that’s right.

Doing the do I’m really looking forward to connecting with her and letting her share her story with you and Marie, welcome to the.

Anna Marie: Thank you for having my lane. I’m grateful to be here.

Lane Kennedy: Yeah. You know, one of the greatest things about technology. Is being able to connect with other mamas. So there, you know, other ladies in recovery, it’s so easy right now.

And that’s how we were fortunate enough to meet is on the clubhouse. And immediately, when I heard your story, I thought I need to know more. I need to know more about her. I was so intrigued by what you were doing in the world and how you got there. So let’s get into your recovery story. And to that breaking point of what made you get into recovery.Alcohol and Divorce

Anna Marie: Wow. So yeah, so I guess to start, you know, I was just kind of a casual, casual drinker, you know, casual. I like to, you know, double, double smoke, a little Doobie here and there. You know, relaxed. That was kinda my, my self-medicating way of dealing with life. You know, I lived a very selfish and fun, spontaneous you know, early my twenties was, was a lot of fun.

I grew up throughout Southern California and most of my days were, you know, cruising the beach, hanging out in the Hills. Going to parties and just, just living the life. You know, I always worked at home, always had a job. I was independent from my family as they moved out of, out of the state of California to, to, to where their dollar would go a little bit further.

So they moved to the Midwest, like as soon as I graduated from high school and Yeah, I was, I was pretty independent from then on, I enjoyed my twenties. I had a lot of fun, did a lot of this did a lot of that was even able to travel to Europe and, and, you know, just, I worked on both coasts, the east coast and the west coast and some of Las premiere, you know, dining and dining establishments and, and finer hotels.

And Just just was having a good time. I met the love of my life and in my thirties and yeah, I guess I get emotional because I don’t know what happened really

Lane Kennedy: after that. Yeah. Yeah. So this is, you know, this is this is a common story, right? Mama. This is everything’s going great until it doesn’t go great.

And. The disease addiction is nasty. It lies to us and it doesn’t let us see reality. Right? Like everything could be burning around us and we’re like, oh, everything’s fine. No problem. So what I’m hearing from you right now, and what I’m feeling is that maybe that’s what was happening. You were just living life.

And so when you had your babies, when, so how old are your kiddos?

Anna Marie: They’re five. Yep. Five years old.

Lane Kennedy: So you had them during this crazy time,

Anna Marie: you know, I, I waited till I waited till I was tired of being, you know, selfish to, to have my children. I got pregnant at 37. And you know, it was, it was a dream come true.

You know, there have been, you know, I have the typical story where, you know, I’m able to go on a 40 day cleanse and, you know, I’m able to take care of my body and, you know, doing the master cleanse every season. So it wasn’t like, I was just a binge drinker, you know, I, I would chase one beer after the other and a couple of shots here.

And then, you know, The blackout would follow. So yeah, it was kind of just, you know, after, after I had my children, I just became very lonely. I was, I think I was always lonely. I grew up as a only child until 10 and then my mom, my mom, my mom got married and had two more children and I love I love my family.

We all get along very well, but I always. I always just felt very lonely. And I know that’s a common, you know, a common trait with us, with us addicts. So even in my twenties, I felt lonely, even though there was a lot of fun going on. And I always just remember, like, you know, being by myself on, on, on new year’s Eve with a bottle of champagne and not in a hot tub, like how sitting somebody’s house, but alone, you know, or.

Just celebrating alone. I think I just kind of like was the most comfortable alone, but I was lonely even in my marriage. That’s, that’s basically how it seemed to be. I was married to my partner and my partner didn’t drink whatsoever. So. By choice. And by it was like a sugar thing for her. She had a really weird reaction to sugar.

So she, she loved carbs and whatnot, but anytime she had a drink of something, it was like, woo. Oh, you have to drive. Oh my gosh, I can feel it coming on. And I’m like, no, that’s when I’m rolling my eyes, like really? Are you gonna finish that, that glass? Like, if not like. Push it over here. Cause you know, I’ll finish it for ya.

And she’s like, you’re going to drink mine too. And it was just one of those, you know, situation. So I slated a lot during, during our marriage and she isolated as well and she had her own. Addictions. And I don’t want to go too much into her, her, her situation, but we just, we just suck. We just were in a partnership, but we were very separated and I don’t think we knew how to communicate through that.

Lane Kennedy: I hear that a lot too. I it’s so interesting. You know, addiction, it’s this disease that centers in the mind and it’s very isolating and. We can be in a middle, you know, a room full of people, but we’re alone 100%. I know that feeling, even with my husband, sometimes today I’ll be sitting next to him. Right.

And I’m like, am I really in this relationship with, do I really have a partner? And we’ve been together a long time. I love him, but there are days when I’m still, that disease is so loud and it’s a little belittling and. It’s troubling. It’s traveling is what it is. So you have your babies, they’re five.

You, you were drinking and then you got sober.

Anna Marie: Yes.

Lane Kennedy: Had babies. And it’s been up and down for you. Has it been easy for you getting sober? Because sometimes people get sober and it’s like, oh, they, they just get it. It just locks in. And then there are other, you know, friends who it’s a little bit of a struggle.

How’s it been for you?

Anna Marie: You know, because of my situation, the fact that I was going through, I’m going through a separation divorce, and that was kind of. The the last, the last straw, you know, to our marriage was the fact that my alcoholism was, it was killing our marriage and it did in the end. So in the end I didn’t have a choice because it was, you know, my children were going to be taken away from me.

It was, yeah, it was literally like my higher power. Pulling me off the ground by my hair and pushing me in a direction where I need help, where I needed help. And

Lane Kennedy: and you got that help

Anna Marie: and I’m grateful. Yeah. Grateful

Lane Kennedy: into a program. Or did you just walk into a mutual aid meeting? What was your experience?

Anna Marie: I had to do a little bit of everything because of the circumstances that incomprehensible demoralization, you know, led to a lot of different factors. And I basically woke up to my children not being there. And I was like, whoa, where are my children found out that some, some, some, a situation had happened while I was in a blackout.

And I don’t even remember the course of the night. And I was basically told like, if I don’t get it together, that it’s not going to look very good for me. And I was lost. I was like, whoa. So yeah, I was that person like, literally. Dragging myself on my knees, into my first AA meeting, you know, and I had gone to AA meetings before my twenties to be of support to girlfriends.

And it was like the, the who’s who of Hollywood. And it was just like the, you know, where are we going to go hang out afterwards and go party? You know what I mean? Because you can always find the best, the best drugs after, you know, an AA meeting in Hollywood, for sure. Or the best parties. And I just never thought I had a problem.

It was always just, you know, I never really went out to drink and party. I would go to the liquor store and come back home. So I never thought it was, you know, I never, I never veer too far from my children. I had to stay as close as possible because that was safe for me. And and you know, I didn’t have a choice in my head.

So, yeah, so I, I, I found, I found the rooms of alcoholics anonymous and I was that person. I did God. I, I did a meeting every single day for my first year. I had two.

Lane Kennedy: Yeah. And I think that’s, you know, throwing yourself into it. That’s, you know, recovery throwing, I find. The people who throw themselves into recovery and that is all they throw themselves in, have a, they recover.

Yeah. Right? Like there is a chance for them. Otherwise the mental illness, the suffering that th the thing. Becomes so negative. Oh, absolutely. Right. And I love how you talked about going to parties that, eh, you know, going to a meeting, going to the parties because LA LA is so crazy. You know, I got sober in Los Angeles and we literally, I would, the first five years of my recovery, I was in three meetings a day.

Like. Going to different mutual aid meetings, just doing the deal. And I don’t think I could have gotten sober any other way. People now there’s so many paths, so many different types of recovery. I’m always amazed at how people get sober. And after you jumped in going every day, you know, really finding your groove, you know, that isolation did it begin to live.

Anna Marie: No, because of the divorce factor, you know, I was still going through that. So it was just everything that comes, you know, with a divorce, a separation and, you know, co-parenting and the judgment, the guilt,

Lane Kennedy: all of that. Yeah. Yeah. You know, divorce, it’s like divorce, moving a rare form of disease. Right?

These are the things that kill people, right. These are the things that might take us out. I am so grateful that I have a community to kind of move through life because without a community of like-minded people, there is no way the isolation. And again, the thinking would just make me go crazy. I would go crazy.

I would not be on the planet anymore. So I want to, can we talk about your divorce? Sure because I know there’s a lot of ladies that this is a part of their story. This is a part of what they’re going through. And you know, there’s a lot of people that stay married. Right. You know, they just stay. And are you on your ex partner?

Are you amicable or not?

Anna Marie: We, we put our children first, so it’s, we, we are w her and I are non-verbal because we’re still going through all of the financial stuff in court. It’s not, that’s just not fun. It was never about money to begin with. But now that we’re, you know, supposed to be splitting things, 50, 50 it’s.

Well, that’s not how they want it, or that’s not how I want it. And you know, so then once you get, you know, the, the legal teams involved and it just comes, it just becomes a show.

Lane Kennedy: And I think there’s something about recovering from that separation. Right. It’s like learning how to walk again. How long were you guys together?

Anna Marie: Well, we were married for

I don’t even, it’s such a, I’m so detached, you know, by my, my meditation practice, I, I sometimes even forget we’re married for six, six years,

Lane Kennedy: six years, which is a long time. Right. Like for an alcoholic, that’s a long time, more than 30 days is a long time to be sleeping next to somebody for

Anna Marie: hours is a long time.

Lane Kennedy: Right? I think there’s, you know, different, you know, people talk about, this is a show about women in recovery. And I say, this is a show for every woman who on the planet, because as. We are recovering from so many stories, so much trauma happens to us. Right. Even as children, you know, I still am recovering from my parents’ divorce.

Right. There’s so many things that we are recovering from. So as you move forward, you know, and you’re like putting yourself back together again. Do, do you have a support team that you’re like surrounded by.

Anna Marie: I do in a, I do I have my fellowship. Yeah, my sponsor. And I have my sobriety sisters and you know, I have all of that.

I just wasn’t, I, you know, it’s, it’s a lot of breaking old generational habits. I wasn’t raised to ask for help. You know, I wasn’t raised to raise my hand, like, Hey, I need a ride or, you know, So that really holds me back a lot. And with the COVID, I mean, I’m, I’m actually somebody that’s thriving with COVID, you know, because.

I mean, if it, if I were drinking, it would be like, I’d be looking for a party or I’d be looking for some kind of social event, but I’m not. So my safe space is home where I can be healing, you know, and, and, and working on, on, you know, just my own personal development. And, you know, nobody’s going to judge me if I, if I’m meditating three hours a day, because that’s where I want to be, you know?

Lane Kennedy: Here’s a perfect moment to drop in and remind you that I have a library of meditations waiting for you over at recover. Like a forward slash membership in that membership, you get access not only to meditations, but classes and mocktails and all kinds of goodies to support you in your recovery.

All right, let’s get back to the. As you’ve spent this time at home and practicing and discovering practices, let’s share with the mamas who are listening, what you do on a daily basis. Like, what are your, some of your practical things? What do you, what do you do?

Anna Marie: Wow. Well, my schedule is pretty much driven by my children.

My, my co-parent and I, we have a schedule we’re, we’re blessed to be able to live within five miles of each other. So we have the children every day you know, morning, you know, morning and night we switch off. So. It was really important for me being biological mother, that I have my children every day that I can see them, that I can have them, that I can smell them, you know, every day.

Not necessarily the way she would hope for things. And as they grow older, of course their schedule going to change a little bit. But I try to, I try to wake up early so that I can have a little bit of me time and that usually But usually it turns into a snooze snooze button, but I have a group of, of my, my colleagues that I work with.

We do have morning motivation call at six forty five, where we all wake up together and we’d jump on an app together. And somebody hosts something that’s motivational for us, whether it’s I like to do meditation. Somebody we’ll we’ll throw in just some affirmations or just something to kind of just get the day started on the, on the right, with the right energy.

So that happens between 6 45 and seven o’clock. And then I like to slip away too, to do some meditation. And the kids know that I, I meditate between seven and nine normally. So there’ll be on and off doing either, you know, a little bit of homework here where they’re practicing their alphabet or they’re on their tablets, or they’re watching a show and grabbing fruit from the fridge.

Just kind of teaching them how to be independent as well. But to respect mommy’s time. You know, I just remember growing up how I loved my little morning cartoons and just having that little space and the house that we’re in is beautiful. So the kids can open up the back door and we have a huge yard and they can go and run and get on the swings and do whatever they need to.

Independently, which is, which is something that I’ve, I’ve really worked hard to provide for them. And then after that, it just depends, you know, normally it’s, it’s breakfast time, we’re vegan family. So you know, w we make it fun, whether it’s vegan pancakes or fruit and yogurt and, and bagels, you know, something just family-friendly that we can do together.

Yeah. My son being the wild child vegan, that he is loves to fish. And thankfully he’s never cut anything other than a little turtle bite turtle bite of a, on a, on a worm of his he loves to fish. So we’ll end up at a lake or something, just kind of together and spending time that way. And. You know, movie time and art sits.

It’s really, when I have the kids, it’s really whatever they want to do. So gardening I’m in and out of meetings throughout the day as well. So we kind of juggle that schedule, but there’s no solid schedule. It’s just, you know, I schedule as, you know, schedule permits basically.

Lane Kennedy: I think that’s so beautiful.

How sobriety allows us to be more. It really, truly, you have the ability to be present in their lives. Right. And I taught my son as well. Like this is my time I’m meditating do not come in here. Like just the importance of giving him that independence. Right. To be able to do whatever it’s going to be with the safe, with safety parameters around it.

But that is if I wasn’t sober, there’s no way. There’s no way I, who knows what would be happening. Right. It would be pure insanity. What’s your, okay. So you talked about being vegans. So I just started talking to my son about. Vegan yogurt. You brought that up and we were going to make coconut vegan yogurt.

Sure. And my husband, my husband says, well, can you do that? And so then I had to go and do the Google looking for, I guess you have to buy some probiotics and throw probiotics in there to make it taste. Right. Is

Anna Marie: that true to give it the bacteria? Yeah. If you’re going to make like your homemade, like instant pot, like type of yes, yes.

Yeah. Or you can add yogurt and just kind of multiply it basically, you know, to make bigger batches. Oh really? That as well,

Lane Kennedy: then, then there was the kind of, then, then my head goes to, well, what kind of coconut milk do I use? What, like, crazy about this. And then I didn’t even do it because I was like, okay, this is like too much for me.

I can’t handle it. And I just, now I just bought. The plant-based. I can’t remember what kind it is, but it’s this really delicious, it’s a local brand here in San Francisco. It tastes like dessert

Anna Marie: usually by the trader Joe’s, you know, yogurt. It will pick up some coconut base. My daughter’s not such a fan of coconut.

She likes almond, you know, so,

Lane Kennedy: yeah. Yeah. So have you been a vegan? Always plant-based is that your,

Anna Marie: No, no, actually just as the kids were starting to Just when they were about one years old or so that’s when we decided as a family to, to venture into our, our veganism.

Lane Kennedy: Yeah. I love being plant-based it’s it’s helped me immensely.

I am not 100%. I would say though, that I’m like three quarters of the year plant-based and then, and then there’s like the random or rare instance where all I just am, like I have to have. Three bites of that steak. Cause my husband is full carnivore. If he could meet eat meat every day he would share.

And that makes it really hard. Oh, absolutely. You know, because I, I have to see it every day, but I, I prefer not to my son is kind of the same way. He’s like, nah, I could live without it. We actually had a conversation yesterday. I’m like, well, what would be your favorite thing to eat every day? He’s like dim sum.

And I’m like, what.

I can’t make dim sum every day. No,

Anna Marie: you can dim someplace. I just heard about actually, gosh, where is it? San Jose, maybe. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Lane Kennedy: Okay.

Anna Marie: Really amazing vegan popups that are better coming out of the bay area right now that I’m watching on Instagram and I’m like, oh, I wish you were closer. And road trip.

Lane Kennedy: Yeah. The food, the culinary around vegan plant-based life is so good. It’s

Anna Marie: it’s an, it’s an amazing art form. I mean, that’s, and that’s one of the things I really loved about going plant-based was that, you know, beforehand it would be the same thing. It would be the pork roast and then, you know, we’d have the burgers and like, they were just the same thing, the comfort food nonstop, you know, whatever.

My mom made that I recipes, I picked up from my mother being a Latin household. So, you know, that was always fun, but I learned how to. Create those same dishes just plant-based and they taste for me. I mean, for me, they taste even better, you know,

Lane Kennedy: how are you going to make a cookbook?

Anna Marie: I would love to,

Lane Kennedy: I mean, I’m all in hand is raised, please.

Anna Marie: I would love to, hopefully in my next chapter, I’ll be able to create something like that because that’s, I really, even, I wanted to do the even before I was beacon, but I was the single, you know, the single young girl that made in west Hollywood and trader Joe’s was we’re opening up. And I was like, I want to do the trader Joe’s.

You know, cookbook because I can grab just these items and make these amazing dishes. And so I wanted to do that in my twenties. It’s funny.

Lane Kennedy: So funny. Some people have the ability to just take a potato and an onion and make it the licious. And then there’s people like me. Nope. Cannot. I just, I met I’ll mess it up, honestly.

So I need, I need people like you who are really crafty and can make the plants tastes delicious.

Anna Marie: My kids, one of their favorite meals, it’s so simple. It’s just chickpeas at our season. Like lightly sauteed. I add a little bit of this, this mushroom soup base, like seasoning that you get at a type of store or like an Indian food store.

Beautiful. Beautiful. So I just saw those and I just throw them into the air fryer with broccoli and sweet potatoes. And I’ll have a little white rice on the side and my kids just

Lane Kennedy: evaporate. You’re like, my mind is gone. So what’s an air fryer. Wait a minute.

Anna Marie: Oh, you don’t have an air frame. What is that?

So it’s like a machine, you know, it’s just a countertop machine. You have the ability to fry things without, with very minimal oil or no oil at all, you can bake in it. Yeah. You can bake in it. You can make French fries. My kids love their sweet potatoes. Oh my gosh. It makes everything so much easier. So it, it takes the microwave of course, out of the house, which

Lane Kennedy: have done at the microwave

Anna Marie: factory.

But you can, I mean, I put a little bit of cornstarch on some tofu with some amazing seasoning throat in there. It’s crispy. It’s super crispy. Wonderful.

Lane Kennedy: This is your cookbook right here. Air fry, cook air fry, plant.

Anna Marie: Oh, even just throwing a stock of like even just the stock of brussel sprouts, lightly spray them, throw them in there and it’s beautiful.

Lane Kennedy: And Marie, I’m going to get an air fryer.

Anna Marie: You serve an air fryer. Every mom should have an air fryer.

Lane Kennedy: Okay. So. Mama’s who are listening. This is the practical tip for you, right? Like this is golden. What we’re learning from Anna Marie right now. I love this home much. I don’t, this is like something I’ve never explored.

So I’m excited about this. What since getting sober, what is one thing that you have had this like awakening?

Anna Marie: I think my, my true awakening came with my meditation practice. I was, I was, I was like, literally, like, what the hell am I going to do? I was so lost. I was so I was just. I was like the bottom of the bottom. You know, I was losing my children. I was losing my partner. I was losing my marriage. I was losing my, my, our business that we had built together.

I was losing everything and I, I always thought I had a good relationship with my higher power, you know? We went to Catholic school and, you know, never had any issues whatsoever with the Catholic church or any of that. But I was very spiritual, you know? And I, I was going, I was going to my outpatient treatment and going to my meetings and I just needed something more.

And I just, I signed up for a meditation retreat and I had to put my name on a list because it was a way to. And I swear, I swear my high, you know, God does some amazing things. And just as I was getting to my 11th step, I was invited to join a 10 day meditation group here locally through my Vipassana meditation center did the 10 day silent retreat where you go completely silent and you are given the opportunity to go inside and.

Dig in deep, and basically it’s a surgery on all of your, your souls. Everything that has, has basically conditioned you to be, you know, to have these thoughts or to live in misery or to have. So I was able to do so much work, you know, it’s amazing what can happen, what transformation can come from, just being silent and being without technology and not given, we weren’t even given pencils or books, you know, we weren’t even allowed to have any sort of eye contact with any of the others in the group.

And that there was truly the. Like rewarding and, and Trent and transforming like transformational time in my life.

Lane Kennedy: So you practice Vipassana? Yes, I did. Yeah. I am all about the silent retreats. The first time I did one, I absolutely had like, my brain exploded. Right. And there was something about that experience and you, you have to go through.

Every sober mama, please. After this COVID junk. Every sober mama we need that time. It is so transforming. It’s like unbelievable. What happens. So from that, you’ve now been able to carry on your practice consistently. It’s a must, right? It’s a, it’s a must for.

Anna Marie: It’s a must. It, it definitely is a must because I can be all up in my head, you know, and I have to bring myself down it’s and it’s, I have to remind myself, like, everything’s constantly changing.

Like, don’t hold on to stuff, you know, don’t go backwards. Don’t go forward. Just stay present, you know, slow and. It’s it’s incredible. How, how quickly? Just a quick, even just a quick little meditation when I don’t have the time, like sometimes I’ll have to even escape from my kids and I jump in the shower for five minutes and I’m just like wash away the fear wash away, the anxiety wash away, you know, and it’s just, it’s just truly is my, my, my medication.

Lane Kennedy: Yeah, it’s such a, and it’s so easy. I mean, there’s so many women who struggle with meditation. It’s like, I don’t have the time to do that. And I always say you don’t have the time not to do.

Anna Marie: I was that mom. I was that mom too. I couldn’t, I couldn’t get into a meditation practice. I would be like the 20 minutes laying back down and fall asleep. You know, I do the guided meditations and I’d just be like, what am I listening to? This is really just say that, like, it’s just so heavy. I couldn’t shut it off.

I think getting through the first three days of the course, and I was like, wow, I actually have this. And it, it was, it was life-changing it wasn’t

Lane Kennedy: that fills my heart so much. Thank you for sharing that Emory, because it’s really, you can’t relate to that unless you go through it. It’s just like getting sober.

You can’t relate with another sober mama until you get sober. It’s like, Oh, so good. So I’m sure that you would recommend that everyone pick up a meditation practice.

Anna Marie: I mean, I can’t, I’m like the, the cheerleader for the pasta. I mean, honestly, like I have my smile, my Amazon smile account going directly to them, you know?

For donations. I mean, I believe in it so much. In fact, I was actually on my way to a wahoo for to be a service for a meditation retreat before COVID hit. And it was this weekend actually. And I had to cancel it because, you know, I couldn’t just, I just couldn’t take the risk and, you know, with everything going on there, everything was shutting down.

I didn’t want to get stuck in Hawaii and not be able to get back to my kids. And I was just. So, yeah, I can’t believe it’s actually a year ago the anniversary and I was so looking forward to it. But I know there’ll be times when I can, you know, find a retreat maybe Holly or somewhere, you know,

Lane Kennedy: there will be another one.

There will be another one. Yeah. Do you have favorite reading literature?

Anna Marie: I do. I do mean these days. Well, a lot of it’s mostly you know, My career focused stuff right now. So I’m reading a lot of like the think and grow rich and you know exactly, you know, I’m reading. I just picked up the new one by Jamie Kern, Lima called believe it.

She’s fantastic. She’s an entrepreneur. She sold her. She sold her company to L’Oreal for like $1 billion. You know, when she, she, she was a struggling, she was a struggling woman as well. And, but I do I do love Caroline mace. Yeah, I am. There’s just so many actually Tim stories, new book. I can’t wait to pick that one up.Alcohol and Divorce

The miracle mindset. That’s another one.

Lane Kennedy: Yeah. It’s like, we didn’t know, like, I didn’t know. Before I got sober, that reading would become so instrumental in my daily life. I used to love to read as a kid. Like I started reading really early. My son started reading when he was two like books are everything to me, but when I was drinking, I just didn’t really like, it didn’t mean as much to me now.Alcohol and Divorce

I love reading. Absolutely so much good. There’s just so much good stuff in there. And one of the things that I saw with you and your kiddos, what, and I don’t know if you want to talk about this now, but I want to talk about it. So I hope, I hope that you’ll bring it. You’ll share a little bit, but you, you have, you’re interested in elderberries.

Is that what they are? Elderberries elderberry. So how did you learn about elderberry?

Anna Marie: I started to research elderberry when, you know, just as a. An opportunity to put vitamins and minerals into my body that I wasn’t getting with my diet. So, and it’s immune, it’s a super immune booster. So, you know, Alcohol and Divorce the fact that it packs a punch for vitamin C and yeah, so just started researching it Alcohol and Divorce

We would buy it, you know, originally just buy it in the store and then just decided to start making it. The kids love it.

Lane Kennedy: You know, when we first get sober, we’re not in the best shape. Let’s just be honest about that. Right. So was that part of your reasoning of like, I want to put, I want to put more nutrients?

I want to feel better.

Anna Marie: Oh, absolutely. I, I mean, I, you know, before I got pregnant with the twins, I had suffered a miscarriage and I had, we, you know, we had to go the science route being, being two females. So. We started off with, with donor sperm and we did the IUI and nothing worked. And then I got pregnant.

My partner had tried, she, she wasn’t successful. So, you know, I tried, I ended up getting pregnant and then I had a miscarriage and that was pretty, that was, that was, I think, a phase for me, that was when I phase to the next, the next. So after that, it was like, no, we were, we were on a roll, let’s keep it going.

We went to Hawaii for a little bit of a break and to kind of just, you know, get our heads together, but I had already disconnected and I, I had I didn’t, I didn’t get, I didn’t, you know, of course, expectations, you know, that’s the story of the game. I had so many expectations from my partner that just weren’t fulfilled, especially losing a child.

I, it was. It was really difficult. So after coming back from Hawaii, it was like, all right, let’s just jump back in. And we did the IVF and we did all the genetic testing and everything to make sure we weren’t going to run into any issues. And thankfully after transferring two of my eggs and saving a handful, you know, a Handful of them as well.

I was pregnant again, not too long after, you know, the loss of the first, the first baby. And everything went great. You know, it had a happy, wonderful pregnancy. And then I had this crazy horrific, like the birth story, Alcohol, and Divorce and I don’t want to go too deep into that, but that was another phase for me because the kids we wanted to, we were pregnant with twins.

One of the babies was breathing. We paid a ton of money to have a doctor come into the home. The only doctor that would do it in, in Southern California, basically to do a home birth of a breech baby. So I was going to my, my regular Kaiser appointments and seeing this, this independent doctor on the side, and a month before my due date, he basically said, so what do we have a plan B?

And I was like, doctor, you are plan B. You know, I paid you a lot of money. So that we were, we wouldn’t be having this discussion right now. And he shared how he just received an invite to go take to Kenya, to teach about cervical cancer and that his flight would relieve me on my due date. And I was just like, whoa.

Exactly. So of course everything I just lost all faith in him, my trust, you know, all those factors were just out the door. I really didn’t want to have much to do with him. And it was basically like, you know, he was doing this on his watch, like times, times. You know, time’s running. Like I got to go, my flight’s leaving in a couple hours.

So we had to induce labor. The kids were not ready to come. I had already passed my date of, you know, that Kaiser wanted to, to have a C-section. And I was past that cause I wanted to, to give birth naturally, you know, that was my dream. He sold me the dream. He said, every woman has a dream to, to, to get married and to, and then to have.

Their children the way they want to. And I was like, yes, that’s exactly what I want to have children to be in control of my body while I’m giving birth. And he’s like, well, I hope you can do it in 24 hours. Cause I’m leaving. And it was just, yeah, it was horrible. Sorry. It was horrific.Alcohol and Divorce

Lane Kennedy: And see, this is.

So layers of recovery right here, layers of recovery. And that’s what I want our listeners to hear is that, you know, we don’t step into our recovery and just everything’s great. Right. We have to look at all the layers that brought up. To that breaking point or that turning point of actually putting down the bottle.

Right. So you’ve got your partner that you’re dealing with. You’ve got a bait, like the birth of your babies, the loves of your life that you have to do the miscarriage, right? The layers of recovery, right? Oh, my God. I love you. I freaking love your Annamarie. This is incredible that you have survived.

You’re a survivor. You’re like a warrior. That’s what I love about mamas. We are warriors seriously, and you have twins. Forget about it. Oh, God. My head just exploded there. Thank you for sharing your story today. Thank you. An incredible human and I love the work that you’re doing. A love that you are a sober mama in recovery.

You are a recovery mom. You are a true spirit. Where can our listeners, all the mom’s recovery, mamas, where are they going to find you?

Anna Marie: Well, you can find me on Instagram. I do have a recovery page. It’s the recover dot wi dot method. Yeah, it’s, it’s really, you know, I love that. And then my elderberry page is, am an M underscore elderberry underscore I sell and deliver locally here in Southern California.

I can ship it as well too. That’s a, it’s a little more complicated that way, but I’m happy to be of service in any way I can. So perfect. Grateful to be here. Happy, healthy, and sober.

Lane Kennedy: Yes. Well, my friends, today has been packed with insight, information, and inspiration. Thank you for being with us. Thank you for listening.

May you find something bright, something light and something so delicious that fills you up so you can be the best momma you can be until next time. Take good care bye for now. Oh, I hope you love that episode. There are so many good things happening right now. I want you to know that I have a new membership design and dedicated to you and calm living. Alcohol and Divorce

You can find it over at recover. Dot com forward slash membership meditations, DNA webinars over at forward slash membership. Thanks for listening.

Listen to Anne’s Episode

Want to Read More?