it’s a matter of faith

I have been living with horrible insomnia now for about three months… some nights are manageable with four  hours of uninterrupted sleep which makes the following day livable, like today.  I woke up and as always prayed, yes I pray.  I don’t really think about it as GOD thing, or in relation to a church or specific religion, it is for me, just about stopping and asking, admitting that I need help with my life.  So I prayed this morning to be able to be a person who could withstand the day and what it had to bring; today it brought the desire to work out, to sweat!  I went to the GYM!  Oh my god!  I had forgotten what it’s like to sweat, what it’s like to workout!  Since having my son I have hardly had one moment to workout; before he was born I did all the prenatal exercises I could, I was WAY into being ready for birth.  Now, there is no time and I figure that I am constantly chasing him, so do I really need to work out?  THE ANSWER… YES.  Today it was quite clear that I have an itch to scratch… called exercise.  TO SWEAT, to get in the ZONE, so to speak.  Yeah… I have prayed for this day to return, and here it is, today!  I am feeling connected to myself again!

I met a friend after working out and she asked me how I was doing on my four hours of sleep…  and really all I had to say was, great.

I am not quit sure if working out has anything to do with my prayer, or the fact that today was our last day of nursing, or maybe it’s just once again the timing of my life, not coincidental at all.  I use to think if I just think about this long enough, and if I just do this, and I just ask for that… then it will all happen just like I think it should… well here I am years later finding that it’s about my faith–my faith to see what is around the next bend, over the next hill, or under the last rock.  (Lately it seems that I have been picking up a lot of rocks!)  I am incredibly excited to be coming home to myself again, and to have a deeper connection with my son, without my boobie in his mouth…

Until next time