Being a Recovery Mother is everything. In this episode, my guest, Kristina Dennis shares personal challenges, and triumphs, of being a mother with a special needs child, grief, loss, and deep love for being a mother shows up in this episode.

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The Challenges and Triumphs of Being a Sober Mom

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT

Lane: Hi friend. Welcome to this episode. I am totally excited about it. We go deep. Take a moment, please. Make sure that you have signed up for the next calm, reset circle. It’s free. It’s a time when we can come together and calm the nerves. And, you know, mama. It’s good to do that. All right, let’s get into the show.

 Today’s episode. I Have a lovely human lovely woman named Kristina. And we’re going to be speaking about the ups and downs, the winding road, the wide path of recovery. He is a mother in recovery.

Welcome, Kristina.

Kristina: Thank you. It’s been so lovely to get to know you. So I’m very excited chair and be of service in any way that I can be.

Lane: So your sober date is…

Kristina: May 6, 1997. I got sober after a Cinco de Mayo party went really, really wrong.

Lane: So Cinco de Mayo is typically tequila.

Kristina: Yes. And that’s what got me that sent me to rehab or at least outpatient rehab.

I decided at that point in time that I was going to outshoot shooters of tequila, like two, three ounce shooters, my bus boys, because I was in the hotel business and I literally had maybe 300 people at my house and, you know, all kinds of parties and I I ended up passing out really young, really early in the night.

And when I woke up there, people all over my house, you know, asleep and there was all this fun. Well, remember this is pre phone camera days, but they were telling stories and I had missed out on all of them. And that was my party started on May 4th because that was my day off. I didn’t have. You know, and in Colorado we don’t really do that very well.

We just like any reason, you know, when you’re drinking any reason to have kind of a party and. May 5th. I got up and I was so hung over and it was literally the first time I really have ever done this. I started drinking again, because up until that point, one of my boundaries as an a person in the hotel business was that I didn’t drink during the day.he Challenges and Triumphs of Being a Sober Mom with a Special Needs Child

I was really more afraid of losing my job and not being able to perform. Like I got more. I’m a huge approval addict. Huge, you know? And so that was some boundary that I had. And up until that point, I had never crossed it. And when I did, I will never forget that day. I called a guy that I knew was pining for me.

The Challenges and Triumphs of Being a Sober Mom with a Special Needs Child

Right. And brought him over and I started drinking and it stopped working. You know, the first time it stopped working, did it make me feel better? And I negotiated with him a deal that I would marry him. If I didn’t have to work. Right. And if he lost about 20 pounds, because he was a little chubby and you know, you know, the people we hang out with, they don’t have great.

Self-esteem either. And then by the end of the night, I thought, Holy hell, how am I going to get out of this? I don’t want to marry him. You know, I don’t want to do any of that. And we were all in this massive master bedroom that I had fun to of my codependent, lovely Alan honors all together. And I said, I heard to me, shit, I have to quit drinking.

I’m in trouble. And I have no idea why, but God’s grace. I feel like shined upon me because I ended up, well, I hit, let me back up. I had called out of work and said, I’m not coming. In fact, I’m quitting. I called my assistant manager. I was the manager and I said, I’m not ever coming back. I’m not coming back to that shitty job.

I hate it. And he was probably still drunk because he had been at the party. Of course. And he was like, Christie, you have got to come back and got really pissed. I can’t work a double shift. And I was like, sorry, dude, I’m not coming back. You know, we do that stuff, right. We don’t show up. And because I crossed the line of my job, it, it shook me enough and the alcohol didn’t work.

I got scared because my solution to life, wasn’t my solution anymore. So

Lane: I’m just thinking about, okay. So. Tequila. I can’t stomach tequila at all. I’m just thinking that’s the worst. One of the worst hangovers is tequila. It was a really bad hangover is gin. I can’t drink Jenny there.

Kristina: The parties would, all we had left was gin and water, and it was delicious at that point. As all we had left in the house to drink, this is the best cocktail ever.

Lane: Right. And I’m just thinking about, you know, you’re, you’re saying, okay, marry me, lose 20 pounds. I’m never going to work. And yet we think that this is it right.

We, we think we’re in our right mind.

Kristina: Yes. And the jobs and

Lane: everything else is the problem. We’re making things up and it’s, it’s just, it’s insane. It’s insane. So did you find yourself you checked yourself into rehab? That’s what you said. Yeah.

Kristina: It was outpatient. I wish I had known about inpatient. I found out about 25 days into outpatient and I was like, what the fuck?

Oh, are we allowed to swear? I was like, I could’ve had the day off. I mean, I could have not worked for 30 days. You know, shit. Why didn’t I know about this part? What happened was I went in and because I told you I had this huge sense of pride when it came to my job, I went in and. Had a meeting with the director and my assistant manager, where I made a very public apology about what I did.

And I sat there. And it’s really interesting because the gentleman’s name is rich and he was an active alcoholic too. There’s so many of us in that hotel business and food and beverage. And I said, I, I have an L I’m pretty sure I’m an alcoholic. I have a drinking problem.

Lane: Was that the first time you said it.

Out loud.

No, that day it was, yeah. I maybe had thought about it, you know, coming up to it, you know, I, I w you know, I would sleep with people I didn’t want to sleep with. I would black out almost every single time and I would

drive drunk. Right.

Kristina: Very rarely because I couldn’t walk. I absolutely did. Many times, you know, w as the disease progressed for me physically, I went down really fast because I was 27 and I had not really started drinking toes 21.

I’m one of those weirdos that waited until it was legal. And I have to tell you, alcohol served me. There were times because my family dysfunction was extreme. There were times that I am so grateful now that I could consume alcohol. So I didn’t put a bullet in my head. You know, and it served me during those times.

And I’m just so grateful that when it started costing me a lot more than I was willing to give is when I was able to go into a program. But that the gentleman rich said, well, he said, what are you going to do? And I said, well, I guess I’m going to quit drinking. I had no idea about AA. I have to be one of the few people on the planet at that time who had never seen it.

And if I had seen it, I didn’t know what it was. And he said, you know, you don’t have to do it alone. We can help, like what and told me that they had an employee assistance program. And that’s how I got ushered into outpatient rehab.

Lane: Right. So we don’t know what we don’t know. We just don’t know.

Kristina: And, you know, obviously I wasn’t looking for it for a long time.

And when I did, so many of my friends were scared and said, things like cannot alcoholic. You just drink a little too much. You just can’t. But I knew in my heart that I couldn’t stop it. And I didn’t know if I went in. I’m pretty sure I didn’t go into outpatient rehab with the idea that I would never drink again.

That I worked there. And in fact, I was 90 days sober before I even heard about a meetings and that, and you know, I remember the rehab lady was like, there are five things that you could have done and not paid to come here. And everybody’s just like shaking their head and I’m looking around. I’m like, Oh, what are those five things?

Yeah, because I had never, I hadn’t had no clarity and she was like get a sponsor, read the book. Not don’t drink and you know, there were, I don’t even remember it, but at the end she’s like in a 10 meetings and I’m like, okay. Cause I didn’t want to look like, I didn’t know. So the next day I called her.

And so what are these meetings you’re talking about? And she’s like, you’ve been around 90 days and you don’t know what meetings are like. Nope. Another example of. I wasn’t ready to see.

Lane: Yep. Yep. So you got sober and you’ve been sober since that time. And as we get sober life emerges. Right. And we have to, we have this, at least my experience is like, there’s a waking up process and yeah.

There’s so many awakenings. So I know you’re a mom.

Kristina: Yes.

Lane: You have one kid, two kids. How many? Right. One kid. So let’s, let’s talk about being a mother in recovery and what that is like for you and how your recovery has supported you.

Kristina: Oh, without it, I would not. I’m not sure we would be alive and that’s not exaggeration.

Right.

When I got married, I was seven years sober. And this was, you know, I had a little practice marriage beforehand with an older gentleman, you know, the whole cliche of daddy’s, you know, mommy’s with, you know, girls with daddy issues. I did that. He was 24 years older than me. He groomed me for a narcissistic relationship.

And all I knew was he was a little better than that. War zone that I had graduated, you know, I had been on my own physically since I was 17. So no support whatsoever with family. And I met this man and got a marriage in and out right about eight years we were together. And so when I got sober, we had already split apart and that’s where I think alcohol for giving me the courage to leave that abusive relationship.

And so when we when I met my son’s father, I met him at an AA meeting and. I did the whole thing. It was almost like I had a checklist and on our first date, we compared our checklists and I said, okay, you’re the one, you’re the one I’m going to marry. And we did, and it was not the right thing to do, but you know, there is no regret, right.

We don’t regret the past and always just shut the door on it. And within about a year I got pregnant. And I mean, I was on birth control, so it was not necessarily like, Oh, I’m ready. And because I had been raised by literal wolves, I had no idea what the dynamic of parenting was. So I had a couple of, as you’re saying awakenings, when I had my son, I had done it all in the right order.

I had bought a home, I got married, then we bought a home and then I got pregnant. So it was in the right order. And I felt like God was going to. Absolutely reward me for being such a good little alcoholic and for helping, I was, you know, I still had that dynamic of I’ll be a good little girl and you’ll protect me.

And so when I had my son, the first thing that I recognized, and I think that, and I could, I mean, I’m not an expert in this area about postpartum depression, but what I was going through is people would’ve labeled it, postpartum depression, but what I knew. Was it, the, it was the very first time that I actually knew in my body what I should have been taking care of how fragile and little I was and how I should have been taken care of.

And that grief was monumental. And I’m so grateful that I had already had the steps to work through that grief because I’m looking at this precious baby and I’m realizing, wow. I should’ve never been where I was. I should’ve never had those things happen to me. My parents really didn’t like me, not exaggeration.

And 13, my father had passed away and it was abusive and disgusting, you know, kind of cycled. And then at 16 I found out that my parents were actually my grandparents and my older sister was actually my mother. So all my brothers and sisters up until that time. We’re actually aunts and uncles. So I really, it is not an exaggeration to say I, I was the cause of many problems for them, just my existence and So I still carried that DNA of like I’m I have to work to be able to breathe.

I have to be really good. I have to give away everything. I can’t earn too much money. I have to be small. And then, and not understanding true unconditional love. And when I had my son, it broke me open. It broke me open to love. And to receive love, like I never had before. So even in seven years of sobriety, I still hadn’t gotten to that place and I had to do the work.

Oh my gosh. I had to do the work on my parents, you know, and that might’ve been the fourth time I had done an intensive inventory. And so I. I did all this stuff right up to that point. I opened a business his first year of life, right. Trying to perform, right. This is me truly. I had had a C-section that reopened and I had to be packed every day for four months for it to be healed.

And there I was losing the weight and working really hard and learning all this stuff. And, you know, applying that. Practice, you know, the practice of a perfectionism, the pursuit of perfectionism, not really getting some of the principles of the program at a cellular level. And then his diagnosis came, he had give me a minute.

Okay. And I’ll tell you, as I was driving home, I read cause he was slow to speech. I read. You know, what happens when your child visit, you know, went in and Googled it and read the, the autism diagnosis and knew that it was him. Yeah. And I had to shut down my computer because I have a job and I opened a business and drive home.

And I remember, I felt like I don’t want to live. Yeah. I didn’t want to die. But I didn’t want to live. And that was the real awakening because you know, Elena and we learned like this paper towel, that’s beautiful. Suzy homemaker over here. You know, we learn, you can’t cure it. You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it.

But I didn’t believe that about autism. Yeah. So the last 14 years of my sobriety have been the hugest awakening about a higher power is control. And I almost feel not that I think you attract things like negative things to you. I know there’s a whole system of the law of attraction, but I don’t think I attracted this.

I won’t take responsibility for that, you know? And a lot of people will say, you know, God knew you could handle it. And I wouldn’t tell him, fuck you. I knew I couldn’t handle it. No, it sucks. He is a child who’s vaccine injured. So it happened within 24 hours. He got very, very sick and lost his skills.

Lane: Okay. Wait a minute. You can’t just drop that bomb right there. And I can’t. Yeah, that makes me infuriated, Kristina. I am so sorry.

Kristina: Yeah, he At 18 months, he went in and had his 18 month boosters. And, you know, I am very much a person who believes genetics load the gun and the vaccines trigger it. They pulled the trigger and I got to watch it happen right in front of me where he was his 18 month checkup.

It says a plus plus, you know, on the little paper. And within seven days I have the same doctor giving me a referral to the regional center. To get him assessed same child, but seven days later, he lost all of his skills. And boy did I have to do the work because I was pissed. I was pissed a God, this is not the life I signed up for.

I’ve already been through enough. My childhood sucked enough. I’ve already been through a narcissistic marriage and I’m doing the best I can with everything that’s given me. I, you know, I really had it in my mind that if you did, if you were a good little girl, life would be protective and. So I had to work through that.

I had to work through the anger, the resentment, the fear. And thank God. I did have a, I will say that, you know, I want to give people the finger that say, you know, God knew you could handle it. And I know on some level that’s true, but I’ve also, I’ve learned since then to honor the anger on the sadness. To walk through the fear of what will happen.

My son, you know, if you had to label it, he would, he would be severe. He is non-verbal. And I do think it’s interesting that in my opinion, my biggest lesson on this earth is to honor the voice that I have, you know, that I’m supposed to speak up against abuse and atrocities, and I’m supposed to stand up for people and including myself.

And I think it’s very interesting that I would have a child that cannot do that necessarily for himself. So yes, I’ve never needed. The program and the principles of the program and the support as much as I needed the last 14 years on that road.

Lane: Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story. I was as I’m listening to you, I’m, I’m just thinking about, we don’t know. What’s coming to us. Right. Like I never I never know. What tools I need in order to stay sober. So I’m just doing them. All right. I’m just like, let me read the book. Let me talk to somebody.

Let me write, like, I’m just in there working my program because my life depends upon it. Exactly. Yours in your children’s life. That’s what I was going to say. Yeah. Now it’s like, my kid’s life depends upon it. Your child’s life depends upon it. And there’s something really I don’t. I just don’t know if people understand that as a mother, like, you know, like until you’re a mother, until you have a child with special needs, you, you do not know.

You just don’t, you just don’t get it. And so it’s like that too, right? Right. Yes. And my son is by far not there there’s no comparison. No need to be. No, but, but other people think there’s a compare. Like we can compare kids and I’m like, I’m always like, no, you cannot. Don’t even do this. Don’t do that to me.

Don’t do it to yourself. One, one thing that you, that I, I love that you said is that you have this voice and you found this in recovery. I write multiple times and there’s such a interesting dynamic when we. Have that like, Oh my God, that I have to speak up. Right. Right. So what is, what do you now speaking up about, like, are you only, are you speaking about recovery?

Are you speaking about vaccines? Are you spoken, speaking about autism or what, what’s your voice? Doing for you.

Kristina: What is interesting is that I have been a champion of nonprofits. I’ve been a champion about school advocacy. I’ve, you know, given that away and use it as my ministry, almost my service. And I still have that.

But the, the big lesson recently in the last two years is that I’m doing my son a big disservice by being so connected to his outcomes. And I know as a special need parent, we do this where. Billy has to have a good day every day for me to be able to breathe. And we do it with our, our neuro-typical children.

And this is such a lesson as mothers. And I remember he didn’t sleep for 10 years. I’m not exaggerating, you know, I have to say that because I think people don’t understand what that looks like, you know, basically prisoners. Right. And so, you know, just the fact that I did that without picking up, because, you know, I didn’t have mommy’s little sippy cup to help myself breathe.

Lane: Did you have somebody helping you.

Kristina: Oh, I hired people. I knew how to do all of that and I am so I would love to, and I still do give talks about what do you do when you get a diagnosis? You know, what’s the first thing you do is you find your friends and you tell them you need to raise money.

Lane: Yeah. Yeah.

Kristina: May I ask you what can I do to help learn my child so that I can take a shower and sleep? Yeah, you need to raise some money to help them because it’s not for the weak or the poor, you know, autism recovery and autism recovery is a lot like being is a lot like drinking, you know, they you’re in a fog. So two years ago, five years ago, I met my husband now.

 Don’t forget to make sure that you sign up for the calm reset. You can jump on over to recover like a mother. Dot com forward slash reset. I will see you there looking forward to it. Let’s get back to the show.

Kristina: So I’m a three timer, three times a charm. Right. And no, you can meet anybody. So do you have a relationship with the other two men? The first one? No, no, no. He’s a little crazy. So I moved to California to get away from him. The second one is my son’s dad and he is also in program. That’s how we met. And he was pretty pissed five years ago when I said you need to go mean talk about having courage.

I, yeah. And I’m like, you need to go, you’re making it worse. And I remember looking at him and say, If you stay together, one of us is going to die and I’m telling you, it’s not going to be me. So you go and he’s pretty mad, but he became the father that I think, I think it was the best thing for him. It’s still painful.

Like breaking up a family. It’s not easy to do even a broken family, but in the last two years, he is awakened and he had been part of his son’s life. So another miracle of the program absolutely. Is waiting long enough to allow people to have their own awakenings. And so, yes, he’s involved. And then I met somebody and I’m like, listen, if you can meet somebody at 47 with an autistic kid that will never probably leave home.

And they’re like, yep, I’m signing up for that. Then you can, anybody can meet anyone. I mean, I feel like, cause on paper I was the bottom and, When up until that point, I had always slept in the same room with my son because he would wake up and it was a way for me to protect him. I could lock the door from the inside.

I could kind of go in and out of sleep. And so he was used to sleeping next to me. And this is when I really realized that he was as worried about me as I was worried about him. So when my husband to be moved in, because we didn’t live together before, you know, it was like, There is no dating and autism that you need to know if they can hang, you know, can you come and hang in this situation?

And I remember my son’s face when Kelly moved to stuff it, and we made a big show. We created a beautiful room for Billy. So he had what was his, and it was obvious like this is your new room and look how fun and look at these toys. And then that night he kind of walked down the hallway. Billy didn’t kind of look like, do I lay with you?

And I said to him, no, bud, you got your own room now. And I remember his look on his face. He looked at Kelly, he looked at me and I saw the relief go like this. And that’s when I went, Holy shit. I’m thinking that I’m helping him. And he’s thinking he has to be okay for his mom to be okay. Oh. I was like, wow.

Honey. I’m so sorry that I’ve been holding you responsible. And so my passion now is to. Spread the word that even in a special needs area, even in an addiction recovery, you are responsible for creating your own happiness. Do not put that on your children. It’s your job. That’s exactly right. It’s going to be the thing.

It’s the best treatment you can give your child. That’s exactly is that they can be however they need to be on their journey. Yeah. And yeah, I I’m. So with you on this, mothers have to, they have to recover. They have to take care of themselves, right. There, there is no middle line on this. Right. And, and that you know, the airplane is going down, put your mask on is never more true for a mother.

Lane: Right. So recently You know, I had this like, Oh my God, the plane is going down. That plane is going down, you know? And I really, I ha like I had to just take off. I just had to like exit the building, you know? And I think we get so caught up and I see this all the time. I see it with my clients. I see it with just women around me, just I have to stay.

I have to make things perfect. I have to do everything. But that doing just like with your son, right? There’s this loop that happens. It’s like, no, they have to evolve themselves. Right. They have to be able to stand up. They have to like, understand what’s going on in their body. Right. And they have to, not that they can regulate their emotion or maybe they can make their, maybe they’re older, but it’s like, they, they have to learn as well.

Kristina: Well, and it’s true. Yeah. The, the human spirit it’s amazing. Even with diminished capability, he still can grow.

Lane: Yes, yes, yes. Oh my goodness. I love, yeah.

Kristina: Were you able to were you able to leave and without any shame cause I’m working. Yeah. The shame actually, you know, it’s so interesting. My shame will disguise it.

Lane: Hmm. It’s not good enough. It’s too. It’s too worrisome. It’s too much trouble. Right. And then it, it becomes, Oh, you’re a loser. Like, it really it’ll go that quickly. And then I’ll know, then I’ll know, like I ha like I got to go, like, I can hear it. Like almost now I can distinguish those voices. Right.

But again, it’s taken me a long time. This is not an overnight matter. Right? Like our literature. Is really clear on this is like my life, right? Like I have to wake up slowly. Like it’s well, it hasn’t been, I think about a baby that wakes up from a nap. They generally wake up crying, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Because they’re like, Oh, I really wanted to be sleeping. Right. Know, I don’t want to be woken up. And so I know sometimes the paint, you know, there’s a lot of. You can’t even control or you’re wakening up, you know, you can’t control. It’s going to be, for me, it generally is attached to some kind of sadness, you know, or fear and the fear.

I think the fear for showing up, because it reminds me, it shows it highlights an area that I have to go and work on. Yeah. And I don’t know if I feel that inside, but I know it up here. And since you can control your thinking. Yeah. You know, the couple of things that I love about the program is actuate into the right thinking.

Don’t think your way into the right action. And also self-love is an action. Yeah. And then I always know what the next indicated step is. Self-love is an action. I’m quoting you on that. It’s Butte. It truly is. I have, you know, it is, it’s like when I work with people and we start determining what their green light activities are going to be, you know, everybody knows what their red lights are.

Oh, I already crossed the line, you know, but we kind of know our yellow behaviors. If we don’t, if we’re a little more transparent, like I’m getting into the area where I could slip and I could have a relapse or I can pick my acting out behaviors, but very few of us work as intensely on our Greenlight behaviors that allow us to fill ourselves.

And that’s what I say is your job. Yeah. I really feel that strongly about it. So let’s give, let’s give our ladies some Greenlight behavior activities. Yes. Being a. Virgo, I don’t know. And of course scopes, but if you read a vertical profile, it fits me. I knew for years that I really know how to have fun.

I’m still learning how to play. I did a course in human design. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of it and ended up being The projector where my entire motive on this planet is to learn how to play. And I understand those words, but I actually employ people to help me where I have a goal when I’m sitting down my behaviors and my life, and I’m visualizing where I, where I go to, well, you know, Corona kind of put a dent in it, but where I Go out and to a comedy show listened to listening to really good music and taking the time if you’re a gen X-er and don’t know how to put together your playlist, employing your friend’s 13 year olds, you know, you’re $20, seven.

You have a playlist on Spotify. So don’t have to think about it. Yes, of course it does have to do with physical, but self-care is not just pedicures and manicures. It’s allowing, it’s learning how to say no to a lot of things. So you can say yes to the right things, that kind of practice. Yeah. And and so that list, having that list written somewhere when I’m struggled and I’m back in a corner and I’ve been triggered by all of the stuff.

Kristina: First I say, of course, baby, of course you’re triggered. Look at all the years that you were taught this look at all the years, look at the evidence that supports why you think about it. Now, think this way about it. Now let’s look at the evidence that doesn’t support it. And let’s go after that because as an adult.

I have the capacity to change. Yeah, so moving my body taking exquisite care of this vehicle, you know, with good foods forgiving myself for the negative bias that’s going to happen. Anyway. That’s something that I think is really important to know that our brains are designed to keep us alive, not happy.

And so, you know that, have you ever heard? I don’t know. What’s wrong with me. All I think about is what’s negative. Well, that’s your brain. No, sweetie. There’s nothing wrong with you. That’s normal. So that kind of stuff to me is great.

Lane: So empowering as we stay sober, right? I feel like long-term recovery is really empowering, but there are definitely pitfalls and we have to keep practicing and we have to find activities to lighten our spirits.

Keep our mood up. Are you, do you have a daily routine that you are committed to?

Kristina: Yeah, I do. If I give it away for free it’s firstly, I start with priming my brain, you know, I give myself 30 minutes before I touch technology. Which is really hard with clubhouse right now. Cause I’m loving it. But I do, you know, 10 minutes of breadth of firework.

It came from Tony Robbins originally and then I’ve you know twisted it and did some different things, 10 things. I have like a little cheat sheet worksheet that I give away. Cause it’s just to remind myself, you know, so 10 minutes of breadth of firework or it’s actually three and a half minutes.

I’m sorry. 10 minutes will be hard and you pass out, you know, where you blow in from your mouth and out from your nose, because that really engages the. The front of your brain, the part that’s thinking. And then three minutes on things that I’m grateful for. And really, like, I literally do this motion where I’m bringing them into my heart and I had to learn that with compliments to rather than reject.

I’m able to go. Thank you. I really appreciate you saying that. You know, it’s practice. And so two things that I think are extraordinary and usually one thing that’s pretty mundane because I don’t want to be grateful only when things are amazing and there was a parade, you know, I want to be grateful for something small.

And then I do a visualization for three things that I see myself doing in the future. And again, those are, you know, maybe two really extraordinary things. And then one. Monday, and I really see myself doing it. And then I exercise. I move my body. I only, sometimes I can only get 15 minutes in, but that’s enough.

That’s enough. You know, it gives you the BDNF, protein that resets and overrides the autonomic nervous system. And then 10 minutes of journaling.

Lane: That’s a, that’s a great morning routine. 30 minutes do it. 30 minutes. Okay. Babies, friends, like that’s really power-packed. That’s fantastic.

Kristina: And I do believe if I can do it with a child that needs vigilance like I had to, he was, you know, he loved, he had PICA, he had, he’d gotten away from it.

And pike is where you try to digest, put in your mouth non-food items. So I literally had to. Watch him, you know, obviously over the years, everything was taken away from my house, but he would get into your person, take your makeup. And there’s a lot of lead in your makeup. And he did so much that he actually had lead poisoning.

And I assure you, I wasn’t giving him paint chips for snacks. Right. You know, he was craving it. Right. And, and so when somebody says, I don’t know if I have that time. Unlike, if I can do it, you can do it.

Lane: Yeah, no, I think that’s one of the, I don’t have time. I don’t have time. That’s a, that’s a big factor. It is.

Kristina: It is. And to me then I turn around and say, what’s the payoff is sitting in the muck then. Cause something’s paying you off. You know, you’re getting something out of being depressed. You’re getting something out of, you know, holding in it. Yes. And if they are then let me know when you’re done. It’s not personal, you know?

Lane: Ah, so much goodness here, Kristina. Are you going to write a book?

Kristina: I need a book coach to do it. You know, one? I do see I that’s how we get the stuff done. Yeah. So one of the parts, when I was telling you about my son’s father, stepping up with Corona, he, my son is six foot six foot. Wow. He’s 16 years old, wears a size 12 shoes, big boy.

And because. And I, this is true of all children. They act the worst with their mothers, right. Because they’re safest. So with homeschooling, because of grownup, he wouldn’t do the things I needed him to do. He wouldn’t sit still. And so for literally, it’s been eight months, his dad took over the Monday through Thursday gig.

Wow. I know. And it’s been great for both of them because don’t, I want more people in my son’s corner besides just me. Yes. Man. So I actually, for the first time do have a couple of days to really write. And I think there there’s a story. Everybody has a story and that’s part of my speaking up, you know, like what I say is important and it will help somebody.

So even if the book is just for me, I think it’s there up until then. I’ll still just a storyteller. Like I am. Yeah, right? Yeah,

Lane: no, it’s so important. I’ve written a couple of books and it’s something that is just empowering. It is, it’s such a good tool and I strongly it’s one of the things that I do with my ladies.

It’s again, powerful dynamic life-changing and you don’t even have to have the book out there. Right. It’s just for you. It’s for you. Right. And then again for you, and I’m thinking, just thinking for you, Kristina, for your voice, right. That is, that would just be the next step on your journey.

Kristina: Exactly. It is in my 12 month plan that within the year, I’ll start doing the disciplines.

Cause I, I read Seth Goggins book about delivery. I forgot what the name of it is, his latest. Okay. Yeah. And you know, I D I loved the idea that you write every day, write every day and. You know, that’s right. Doing the footwork and leaving the results up to God. And so I was like, okay, I need that. I need that discipline in a book, but I also know coaches are incredibly important and yeah.

I am a coach, but I hire coaches so that I can have that accountability. Yeah, I don’t have to know it. All

Lane: Right. I’m the same way. I totally believe in that as well. So what I want to wrap this up. Sure. We’ve gone over our time, but I couldn’t stop because I just love talking to you and you have so much, so much richness in your story and there’s so yeah, so much inspiration.

And so how can people find you? Right. Like w where can they come and follow your journey and learn more about you? Thank you. Yeah. I have a website. Yeah. It’s kristinadennis.com. There are a lot of freebies on there. You just kind of become part of the thriving tribe. And you know, I share my story every week from a recovery point of view as a special needs mother and just to elevate the conversation out there, it’s my form of service.

Kristina: So if you want to know more about me, there’s a free Facebook group that I just started because I got forced to do online. After Corona happened, I was meeting people in person and doing the workshops in person and was just fine with that. And so had to pivot and get online. And so, yes, I’d love it. I love it.

People want to join the Facebook group or get to know me through my freebie. It’s called five to thrive. So just jump on that and get that sent to you. Okay.

Lane: And the special needs group on Facebook is learning to love your life. There we go. All right, Kristina, I just want to thank you so much for being with us and sharing your incredible, incredible story.

Kristina: Thank you very much for having me.

You are a recovering mother and yes, you just so good. Thank you. All right. All right, friends until next time, may you find something bright, something light and something so delicious that fills you up? So you may be the best you can be until next time. Take good care.

Thank you for listening. I hope you enjoyed that episode. Make sure to follow along with Kristina’s journey. Make sure to reach out. Say hello. And sign up for the next calm, reset. It is once a month, it is free and it’s made, especially for you. You can find it at recoverlikeamother.com forward slash reset.

See you there.

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